


The way you are

by theArcane



Series: Merthur Oneshots [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Comfort, Confrontations, Crying, During Canon, Emotional Hurt, Fights, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Men Crying, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), Pining Arthur, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining Merlin (Merlin), Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27334270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theArcane/pseuds/theArcane
Summary: Arthur yells harshly at Merlin for not doing a very important task. This drives a wedge between them, and they stop talking to each other for many days until Arthur decides he's had enough.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991122
Comments: 10
Kudos: 302





	The way you are

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Series 04/05

"One thing, Merlin! I asked you to do _one_ thing!"

 _Amongst a thousand other things_ , Merlin thought.

"I.. I was-"

"You were _what_?" Arthur's eyes were ready to pop out and his face was a bright shade of red. Merlin was finding it very difficult to find his words.

"I was going to, I kept them with me but then I got busy in something or the other and they were left cold." Merlin muttered out. 

He was speaking the truth. Arthur had asked him to send invitation letters to all nearby kingdoms to celebrate a grand feast at least a month ago. But with Gaius running him around to collect a million little herbs, Arthur constantly appointing a new task to him every minute, Kilgarah coming to visit him outside Camelot every other day to warn him of this and that, and Morgana sending a magical creature or a Druid to kill Arthur time and time again and Merlin fighting them off every single time, and also making sure that no one sees him do it, he had forgotten one little thing to do. 

Unfortunately it wasn't so little in Arthur's eyes. "You know, you know how important it is to keep peace with our allies right now. Especially at a time when my sister might attack us any day. Now you are telling me they didn't get formal invitations to a feast that we celebrate every year as a tradition?"

Merlin looked down. "I am sorry."

Arthur smacked him on the forehead. It was light, but it did sting Merlin. "Oh you're _sorry_? That solves it then, eh? I will just tell the Kings that my servant is _sorry_."

Merlin kept quiet, not wanting to anger Arthur further, but that didn't work. He could feel his eyes tearing up.

"This isn't some stupid task that you forget to do and I just laugh it off like a thousand times before. You forget so many tasks in a day, it's astounding for even someone with your mental capacity! Tell me one quality you posses that distinguishes you from all the other servants in this castle. Tell me why can't I just easily replace you?"

Merlin chose to ignore his last words. "I will fix this, Ar- My Lord. I can send the invitations today- right now- and make sure they reach on time." He was almost begging and that made him feel very pathetic in that moment.

"The feast is next month, Merlin. How are you going to send invitations to kingdoms which are leagues away and the kings come here in time?"

Merlin debated whether he should tell Arthur that he has means to ensure that? Only, that would get his head on a spike faster than he can say "Sorcerer".

"We have fast riders. If they leave tonight-"

Arthur put up a hand. "You know what, Merlin? Just leave, please. I don't want to see you right now." He turned away. 

In that moment, Merlin hated Arthur. He hated him as much as he loved him. And he hated himself for feeling this way. He wanted to yell and shout at Arthur, to tell him how much he sacrificed for him on a daily basis. He wanted to shake him until he saw who Merlin really was.

But he didn't do any of that. He just bowed, with tears filled in his eyes. When he left the room, the door slammed shut behind him with such force that he started wondering whether they will open for him ever again.

*******

As mad as Arthur was, Merlin's advice did register with him. He sent out his fastest riders, with invitation letters and letters of apologies. He remained tensed day and night, waiting for the riders to return with good news.

He barely saw Merlin during those days. He came in very early to clean his chambers, when Arthur was still asleep, and then after quietly keeping his breakfast on the table, left. During the day, he only came in to serve him lunch and dinner and even that was done by other kitchen boys and girls most of the time.

Arthur didn't care. He was grateful for not seeing his face every day. He kept himself busy with the feast.

*******

Thankfully, the other royalties were able to make it in time and they didn't even seem mad at the delayed invitation. The feast went smoothly. Everyone was laughing and dancing around happily. Everyone but a simple boy in servant's clothes who stood in the corner and only came out from there to do his duties. The whole time, he kept looking at his King, with pain and longing in his eyes. The King didn't even spare him a glance.

*******

Arthur stood restlessly as Merlin was kneeling down in front of him, doing the buttons on his breaches. He wanted this to be over as soon as possible. He has been dressed by servants his whole life, but it never mattered to him. Their hands touched all parts of his body, but they were just that- _hands_. He never cared about the bodies attached to them.

But ever since Merlin had been in his service, things were different. Merlin's hands weren't just hands. They were _Merlin's_ hands. And it mattered to Arthur. Especially when his long fingers brushed against his hips or when they lingered just a bit longer over his chest or when they gently smoothed his hair, it _mattered_ to Arthur.

Earlier, Arthur used to joke or talk about completely random things when Merlin was dressing or undressing him to distract himself from his touch. But now, since they haven't been talking for a month, things were awkward. Many times, when Merlin came in his room, he found Arthur already dressed. He used to give a stiff bow and leave. On occasion, when Merlin did get to do his job, Arthur fidgeted and moved a lot, gesturing Merlin wordlessly to get it done soon and leave.

This morning, things were even worse. Because Arthur had woken up dreaming of Merlin. _The kind of dream a King should only have for his queen or mistresses._

Arthur looked down at his servant, buttoning his pants carefully. His brows were furrowed and his mouth pursed in a thin line.

"It's done. Can you hurry with the shirt? I am getting late."

Merlin got up wordlessly to fetch the shirt from the bed. Arthur's eyes followed him. The old Merlin would have made some jibe about how this was all Arthur's fault for not getting up early or taking too much time to eat breakfast. But this.. _boy_ , he was a stranger. _A stranger Arthur had created._

"You should wake me up sooner." Arthur said, when Merlin came back with his shirt.

"I am sorry, Sire." Merlin said tonelessly.

"And the breakfast was a bit burned."

"I will tell the cook that."

Arthur almost groaned in frustration. Not at Merlin, but at himself. _What was he doing trying to complain about Merlin's work, hoping he would take his words as jest and end up forgiving him, when the very reason for their fight_ was _Arthur complaining about Merlin's work?_

"No, forget it. It was perfect."

Silence.

"And I was the one who took too much time to bathe. You woke me up in perfect time."

"Okay." Merlin's knuckles brushed ever so slightly against Arthur's stomach as he buttoned his shirt up.

Arthur didn't know what to do or say. He supposed he could say sorry, but it wasn't really his fault, was it? Besides, he couldn't even remember the last time he had apologized to someone. His Father always said that saying sorry is a King's biggest weakness.

Arthur was ready to give up. _Maybe tomorrow, he could come up with a new strategy to talk to his servant in a way that told him that he had forgiven him and was also sorry for yelling at him and missed him terribly without saying the actual words._

"The feast was a success." A small voice. 

Arthur almost smiled. "Yes it was."

"Everyone came." He walked away to bring his jacket.

"They got it in time." The word _invitation_ was better not said out loud. Not yet, at least.

Merlin remained silent as he put the jacket on Arthur's shoulders.

"I didn't see you there." Arthur broke the silence.

"I was there. Serving wine and food to everyone."

"I suppose I lost you in the sea of servants."

"I am not very distinguishable, am I?" It was the first time Merlin met his eyes in the past month.

Arthur opened his mouth and then closed it again. He wasn't sure what to say.

"You're not.." He cleared his throat. "Don't say that."

"You made it clear that it is how you feel." Merlin was standing between him and the mirror and there was very less space between them.

"I was angry, okay? I should have never said that."

"But you were right, weren't you?" Merlin shuffled uncomfortably on his feet, looking at anywhere but Arthur. "I forget to do half the tasks you assign me, I barely ever talk to you with respect.. there are many other servants here better than me."

Arthur sighed. He had expected Merlin to fight or shout back at him. But this was worse. Because instead of Merlin blaming Arthur, he was blaming himself. 

He extended a hand to put on his servant's shoulder, but then thought better of it and brought it back down. "Merlin, I don't want other servants, okay? I am happy with what I got?"

"Why?" Merlin's voice was breaking along with Arthur's heart.

"I don't know why. I just, I like keeping you around."

" _Why_?"

Arthur remained silent.

"If you like keeping me around, maybe do a better job of showing it." Merlin said after a while.

"Do you want me to lay flowers in your path and massage your shoulders?"

"Maybe you should try not yelling at me and making fun of me in front of your friends all the time." He said coldly.

"I only make fun of you in front of my knights, who are your friends too!" Arthur said indignantly.

"And that makes it okay? You can treat me like shit in front of other people just because they are my friends too?"

"Look if you don't like it, then I will stop. You should have told me this before."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Because you listen to me so much?"

"I don't have time for your blame games, _Mer_ lin. If you don't like serving me, then leave!" Arthur took a step back, giving Merlin space to step out but he didn't move.

"Merlin." Arthur called out his name to get him moving, but Merlin didn't budge. Instead, a soft sob came out of his throat. Arthur felt his own throat choking.

"Merlin _please_." He said, stepping closer, His arms finally managed to reach him. Merlin kept sobbing. "I am sorry, okay? I am sorry for everything." The words flowed freely out of Arthur's lips. They felt right, too right. The sight of the poor boy crying in front of him broke something in him.

His arms extended from Merlin's shoulder to his back and then his body was moving forward on it's own till there was no where left to move and the only thing he could feel was _Merlin_.

Arthur held him tightly as he kept crying in his chest. He kept whispering _I am sorry_ and Arthur was repeating those words, both trying to avoide the _other_ three words that they really wanted to say.

Arthur took Merlin's face in his hand and forced him to look at him. Even with his puffy eyes and red cheeks, he looked.. _beautiful_. There was no other word for it. "Look, no more of this."

Merlin nodded, wiping his tears on his sleeve.

"I still need to know Arthur." He said, his voice scratchy.

"Know what?"

" _Why_? What makes me different?"

The earnest way in which Merlin was looking at him, Arthur didn't have the strength to lie anymore. _To hide anymore_.

"Because none of the others are _you_." He gently ran a hand along Merlin's face and before he knew it, he was leaning in and Merlin was leaning in too. Their lips met halfway and they kissed. The touch of their lips was so light, but it was going to change something between them forever.

Arthur wondered whether this was a mistake, and if he should start apologizing again, but then he saw Merlin's face break into a smile. Arthur smiled back. _What they did might be wrong by a thousand laws, but it felt right._

"You are not going to cry like a maiden again, are you?" Arthur teased.

Merlin shoved an elbow in his stomach playfully. "Always the brat."

Arthur laughed and kissed him again, hard. Merlin met him with the same vigour. They filled each other in their arms and kissed and kissed, refusing to part ever again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Please leave kudos or comments if you do ^_^


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